Flying is not exactly a tranquil or luxurious affair (unless you’ve got “Crazy Rich Asians”-level wealth). Over the years, airlines have come under fire for how they deal with customers and travelers are becoming more vocal about their mishaps. Sometimes it feels like Twitter is solely a forum for air travel complaints.
Still, in all the stress and indignity, there’s the opportunity for humor and major venting. We’ve rounded up 36 tweets that will surely resonate with people who hate flying. Whether you have a fear of flying or simply loathe air travel, you’ll likely relate to these musings.
Air travel is the most miraculous thing I hate.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) March 16, 2018
I’m always nervous about flying until I finally board the plane and see the people I’ll be living with on the remote island after we crash.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 31, 2018
Sometimes the best cure for a fear of flying is really bored-looking flight attendants.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) August 25, 2017
Border agent, skeptically: you’re driving to New Mexico
Me: I HAVE A FLYING PHOBIA & A UFO THING & THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I’LL SEE ROSWELL
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) August 16, 2016
No documentaries are ever made of the explorer’s sister, Cordelia Earhart, whose fear of flying led to a quiet life as a doily-maker.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 30, 2012
“Sir, I really don’t want to get into this. I’m in the middle of listening to a podcast about murder.”
And other ways to shoot down conversations with strangers on an airplane who don’t understand that headphones command silence.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 13, 2018
Please remain seated until we’ve reached the gate, then feel free to stand hunched over weirdly sideways for 15 minutes while we do whatever
— Elle Oh Well (@ElleOhHell) December 23, 2014
it’s pretty cool that planes I take fly no higher than 50 feet off the ground through the power of me closing my eyes the whole time
— Katie Heaney (@KTHeaney) December 28, 2013
Going away this summer to an island. A kitchen island. My kitchen island. It’s perfect bc I hate flying and I’m close to my dinnerware.
— kim ? (@KimmyMonte) March 13, 2014
When I mention my phobia of flying, someone is always like BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT PLANES ARE SAFER THAN CARS.
No shit, I’ve never heard that
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) March 22, 2014
I hate flying why isn’t teleportation invented
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) March 12, 2015
Amazing that, in mere decades, we’ve changed the miracle of air travel from an incredible adventure to the equivalent of going to the DMV.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) October 20, 2017
I saw a lady go into the bathroom with no shoes on. AN AIRPLANE BATHROOM.
I bet she’s patient zero.
— Imani Gandy o—€ (@AngryBlackLady) May 8, 2018
having wifi on a plane is just incredible because now i can complain about air travel WHILE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!!! THIS PLANE DOESN’T HAVE ANY PLUGS!!!!!! I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!! TECHNOLOGY IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) January 8, 2018
Please stop farting in airplanes, we can’t open windows ?
— Karabo Mokgoko ? (@Karabo_Mokgoko) August 24, 2018
There are two kinds of people: people who stand up and try to force their way into the airplane aisle after the plane has landed but before they’re letting anybody off, and people who are not at the top of my list if The Purge ever happens
— erin Huckabee ryan (@morninggloria) August 12, 2018
This day in hyperbole: Delta flight attendant just announced that they’re about to begin their “legendary beverage service.”
— Carrie Brownstein (@Carrie_Rachel) September 13, 2012
Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that’s not allowed if the baby is yours.
— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) February 12, 2014
My flight seatmate asked me where I am flying to. Always good to compare answers on these things.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 18, 2016
Funny that i’m scared of flying even though I’ve never been in a plane crash but have been on a train that derailed & one that hit a truck
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) April 6, 2016
My favorite part of air travel is the carefully calculated self-sedation.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 29, 2014
the whole idea of air travel needs to be started over, from scratch. Airlines treat us like shit and we all dress like pigs.
— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) December 23, 2014
Flying next to random children is too stressful. Now I’m responsible for helping them with their oxygen masks if we lose cabin pressure?
— Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) June 26, 2016
The best part of flying is the part where you cant pee or drink alcohol because you’re sitting on the tarmac waiting in line
— erin Huckabee ryan (@morninggloria) August 26, 2016
People ask “How did you get to South Africa, London, Jamaica, etc if you’re afraid of flying.” Simple answer: Benadryl
— Diamond Sharp (@diamonde) September 16, 2013
I’m afraid of flying so I always fly Frontier because I know the plane will never leave.
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) July 26, 2013
*airplane makes really loud noise*
*pilot on intercom* what the fuck was that
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) January 16, 2015
Honestly I’d rather my flight be delayed a few hours than take my chance on a giant flying metal tube with technical difficulties
— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) August 29, 2016
IT IS NORMAL FOR THERE TO BE TURBULENCE WHEN FLYING OVER MOUNTAINS IT’S AIR POCKETS THAT DO IT I AM GOING TO BE FINE
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) April 25, 2017
dear science: make with the damn teleportation pads already. signed, I Fucking Hate Flying.
— Tracy Boomeisha-Ann Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) August 29, 2012
If you’re afraid of flying, take a cruise. If you’re afraid of bad magic shows, stay in your cabin the whole time. #travelskills
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) April 12, 2013
A fun thing about flying now is spending the time in air wondering what specific kind of post-apocalyptic hellscape you’ll touch down in.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) December 1, 2017
FLYING WITH A COLD IS THE WORST THERE ARE DEMONS IN MY EARS HELP CALL 911
— wikipedia brown aka eve ewing aka lil muji pen (@eveewing) December 9, 2017
THEY say air travel is safe but THEY don’t tell you about the psychic toll of having Leaving On A Jet Plane in your head for 3 days do THEY
— Living Marble (@living_marble) October 30, 2016